I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
