So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
