Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
