If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
