i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
