Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
