is your mom at the bar?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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