But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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