I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
