I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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