I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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