Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
