i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
