just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
