Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
