Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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