You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
