Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
