you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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