I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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