I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
