You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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