its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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