I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
worst night to have a conscience
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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