is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
