Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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