I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
