he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
