He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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