What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
