I got chris browned last night
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
