I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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