i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
