Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
