I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
