somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
