plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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