you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
