you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
