Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
