I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
