I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
