Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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