it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
