Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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