alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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