alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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