the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
