yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
