I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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