i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Randomize
